Finally pregnant. It’s fun to say, but I’m still hesitant about it. Technically I am pregnant, because I have two day 5 blastocysts inside of me. That means two eggs that were fertilized five days prior. They are strong! Dig babies, dig.
I found this amazing video that shows you an egg from fertilization to blastocyst stage. Day 5 (post retrieval and fertilization) is the perfect time to transfer. This is because in a natural pregnancy, the egg is released from the ovary, and travels into the fallopian tube where the sperm locate it and fertilization begins (if sperm meets egg). Well, it takes FIVE days for it to travel through the tube to the uterus. See? Perfect timing.
I also read that beginning when they reach the uterus, blastocysts begin clinging to the surface. They release enzymes that eat away at the lining, to make it possible to attach (stick). By 12 days after fertilization the blastocyst is firmly attached. That is about Saturday for me. Did you know that at this point, they’re only the size of the tip of a pencil? That’s amazing to me.
Since fertilization did not happen in my body I still have to take the estradiol, crinone (progesterone), and low dose aspirin. I feel confident in my medical concoction because after a few days on the meds I began having symptoms. I also feel good because, regardless of what I am about to tell you about yesterday, DR knows what he is doing and has very high success rates. The guy is genuine, and I like him, but I’ll be offering a few suggestions at my post-ivf conference. This is costing about $10,000.
Today I feel crampy and a little nauseous. Let’s add moody to that list. For those of you rolling your eyes, don’t rain on my parade. I’d like to be in the now and enjoy my moment. And now a word from my hormones, “For those of you without an infertility problem and without children, I seek no opinions from you on symptoms of pregnancy.” I have babies in my belly, and if I want to fantasize about feeling them there, so be it.
Yesterday was a giant mess really. I’m sure T and I will laugh about it later, but only if things work out positive. Our appointment for transfer was for 10am. The preparation for transfer requires you to fill your bladder with at least 32oz of water. I know my clinic and so I was prepared for at least an hour wait. I drank my liquid on the way to the appointment. I lasted comfortably for the hour I had prepared for, but as it went past 11 I began to feel sick. I listened to my Richard Carlson audiobook of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, then Hilary Hahn style classical music, then meditating. By Noon I thought I was going to throw up. Finally around 1 we were called into the prep area, which was the same as retrieval day. I had to cave and pee a little bit because I was starting to feel pain in my back and I was getting closer to barfing everywhere. Finally around 1:30 they brought me into the transfer room, which was the same as my retrieval.
I want to clarify my vision of how this would all happen. I read others’ blogs, watched others’ videos, and researched on my own how transfer goes down. In my mind, we would go into a regular style doctor’s office room, and they’d use the same ultrasound machine they used for the trial transfer. Why wouldn’t they? I mean, when they did the trial I could see the catheter and the water drops. It was perfect, and I wanted that again except this time with my babies. I’d be comfortable with a regular full bladder to show the image more clearly, and everyone would be smiley and laughing and they’d print an ultrasound picture and we’d have something to hold onto until it was time to see if they stuck. Then T and I would go home and watch movies all day. We had planned to rotate who would pick the flicks.
Well, that is NOT how it happened. As you already know, my bladder was so full I was in serious pain. I’ve never had to hold a FULL bladder for three hours in my entire life. It’s completely different than just holding it to go to the bathroom. I do that daily, I’m a teacher. The room was the same surgical room my retrieval was in-dark, dank, and unfriendly to me. I was nowhere near relaxed. I felt like the girl in Knocked Up, except instead of “this isn’t my birth plan” I was thinking “this isn’t my transfer plan”. The monitor was not even turned towards us. T knew my wish for a picture and so he asked about it. The DR said sure and I swear I saw him click a button and print something. He also realized we weren’t in on the festivities and turned the monitor so we could see. I tried to enjoy the moment but I was in so much pain. They relieve your bladder after the transfer with a catheter so you don’t have to get up. They like you to stay lying down for 30 minutes. Even still, after they “relieved” my bladder, it was too late -the pain was so intense that I began sweating terribly and I thought I was seriously going to throw up. They had to put wet napkins on my head and neck. T sent a pic to my mom and she was wondering what the heck happened?! After about 20 minutes of rest a nurse I hadn’t seen before told me I could get dressed and leave. We waited for our picture but the nurse told us their technology isn’t advanced enough for that. Seriously? Then use the dang regular machine like I suggested. Now, if it doesn’t work, we have no evidence of our angels.
So is life. Expect that things hardly ever go as planned. I’m okay with that. I got the two blastocysts we wanted transferred in, and now I feel relaxed. It’s just relaxing to know we have done what we can. It’s no longer in our hands. I’m torn between just staying in this chair all weekend, or being normal. If I were pregnant naturally, I wouldn’t know at this point and so I wouldn’t be tied to a stupid chair. I’m done with the infertility part of this. Besides my medication, I’m treating this like a normal pregnancy. Can’t I just be normal? With this, I’m also torn about testing before my blood test on the 28th. I’ve read that some people have seen results as early as 5 days post transfer. I’ll try to wait, but again, I just want to be normal. I’d rather see a negative/positive in the comfort of my own home, with my sweet husband next to me, than to have us hear from a “stranger” on the phone.
We are going to see Life of Pi later today. I’ve done my 24 hours of “bed rest”. Oh, and sorry for the negativity. This is my journal remember. And I’m an Aries.
Peace and Love,